I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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