Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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