take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
