oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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