If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
