my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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