home. puking in laundry basket.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
they're like a gay fantastic four
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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