maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
