look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
