Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
