got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize