Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I touched a dick in church today
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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