that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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