How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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