forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
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Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
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He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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