i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
