So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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