Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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