I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
