My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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