i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
