i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I am spending my child support on dildos
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
