when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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