I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
