his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
