Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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