Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
