You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
