just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
