please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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