Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
