just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just found puke in my bra..
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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