i think i have herpe
just one?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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