I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
