I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
