yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
