so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
