we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
