I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
