Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
