She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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