So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
