My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
