So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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