hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Randomize
