i love accidental penises.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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