mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
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