I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
