Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
