Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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