I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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