Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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