Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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