I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
