Dual....:-)
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
