i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
