someone owes me an orgasm
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
