i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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