She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
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Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
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I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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