Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Can you bring me the toilet please
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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